The private world that is revealed in my work is in many ways my escape mechanism. The process of my life organizes all these chaotic abstractions of existence into surrealistic and theatrical forms. The results can be explosive, threatening, sweet, sentimental. This is a universe of split and irrational disorder that is beyond my safe zone. Still, this is my world. I can always retreat to it because I can manage it. I’m the star of my show.
My parents went through an agonizing divorce when I was four. My father used all kinds of drugs and was an alcoholic. The relationship was abusive, often to the point of severe violence. My mother had no choice but to flee with me and return to Spain. As a kid I used to get sent to visit him on summer vacations. Every day he would insist that we go out to take pictures of me. Years later I realized that the pictures he creates are illustrations of an imaginary relationship. One that he created in his mind. This illusion has become his secret universe. Hidden from the rest of the world. In most of our pictures he scattered around his house – I did not smile. I did not trust that the “relationship” he was trying to describe was real. These were fictional images.
Eventually my father sobered up and we stayed in touch. As much as it’s hard for me to admit to myself, I know I’m like him. The sense of isolation is growing with the strange illusions. Photography has become my therapy and also my best friend.